Song Of The Week: Moon River, sung by Audrey Hepburn

I hate this bit of starting a new job. The new job itself is great, but that big red circle around pay day seems to be further away every time I look at it, when I know factually that it’s getting closer. I’m wishing I had a bit of spare cash to spoil myself, and combined with this I am beset with a dose of wanderlust. I might seem quite domestic on the outside. Nice settled life, good career, lovely husband, pets, etc, but deep down there is a bit of Holly Golightly in me.

Or at least, I wish there was.

 

This besetment of wanderlust could not really have happened at a worse time. This is the time when I need to settle down, take my self and my life in hand and get cracking with the Serious Grown Up aspects of life.  But I find myself wanting to pack the car and take off. Go visit old friends, take road trips across the country, see places I haven’t seen for a long time, go hunting for new places. Perhaps this is partly due to the weather (which has been unusually gorgeous and summery), and partly due to me getting a bit hormonal (I’ve not had proper PMS for a while and now I’m on the mood-swing rollercoaster), but it’s an annoying sensation.

Perhaps I’m just feeling a bit Holly Golightly-ish at the moment in more ways than one, and it’s just a bit of the blues. Mixed with the mean reds.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds. You mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat, and maybe it’s been raining too long. You’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid, and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

I like my life here, I love my husband, my job (at last), my cats, my friends, my learners, my little routines, but every now and then I get beset by flashes of boredom and the longing to be off somewhere else, and the feeling that I’m stuck where I am and I don’t want to be stuck, because what it I am stuck and I don’t like it?

(Definitely the mean reds, now I think about it.

Definitely.)

Now, yes, I can plan ahead, but I have planned ahead a lot and I want to go do something NOW and find myself with neither the time nor money to do it. I think another part of the problem is that my current projects aren’t holding my attention. Writing ‘Corinbach’ has ground to a halt (as have all my articles, poetry, blog posts…), Tory Watch has been neglected (and it shouldn’t be, this shit is important, especially now the hype is dying down), my routine of going to the gym/swimming is (forgive the expression) floundering and I find myself growing bored of the insides of my own head. I know that a burst of difference, fresh ideas and new conversations, inspirations and so forth would do all of those things the world of good, but it’s all just tantalisingly out of reach.

I’m trying. I’ve picked a new TV series to watch, I’m more willing to watch new films with hubby in the evening and I am even trying to pick up and read new books (at the behest of one of my teen learners, I just finished ‘Looking for Alaska’ and ‘Papertowns’ by John Green). And I know that eventually I will get to the point where I have both time and money again and I’ll get myself back onto an even keel and be able to rush off and have some impromptu adventures as well as my planned ones. But right now I am stuck in a mental rut and it is deeply uncomfortable down here.

It could be worse though. I could be happy in the rut. And I hate to think I’d ever turn into that sort of person. Far better to be woken up and shaken up by a dose of the blues and the mean reds, and reminded that you’re still alive and you want to get out and live.

So here’s a lovely version of Moon River, to remind us all that adventure is waiting for all of us, including me, and I will be off to see the world in no time at all.

“Moon River”
Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you’re going, I’m going your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waiting, round the bend
My Huckleberry Friend, Moon River, and me

Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you’re going, I’m going your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after that same rainbow’s end, waiting, round the bend
My Huckleberry Friend, Moon River, and me

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